running to danger

I don't talk much about my husbands job on here and that is because it's a dangerous job.

He goes to work every . single . day with the possibility of never coming home. 

I worry every day all day when my husband is at work. 

Whenever my phone rings and it's a number I don't know and my husband's at work, I am not exactly excited to answer the phone because I don't know if it could be a phone call telling me something has happened. 

My husband risks his life every day so that he can protect everyone else. 

And I love him so much for that but it does not make it any easier to watch him walk out the door. 

Last night he had come home because I was having a meltdown after Zane had woken Lilah from a dead sleep and she was screaming bloody murder no matter what I tried...

so I'd texted him and said, "I need you." 

A few minutes later he was there to help...

He was there for maybe 10 minutes when all of a sudden he says, "I have to go N O W." 

There was urgency in his voice and he ran out of the house...

and I hear him tear out of the driveway with the siren going and lights flashing. 

It was almost 9:30pm at that point and I can tell you right now I was not thrilled but I knew he had to go...

he had to R U N to the danger. 

To help whoever needed help or try to dissolve the situation at hand. 

I needless to say did not sleep well until I knew he was home safe. 

I didn't get that dreaded phone call last night, thankfully, but it could have come. 

Last night could have been the night that something happened. 

No, I am not waiting for it to happen...

but I know that at any moment it could. 

I love that man so much. 

He loves what he does.

When he told me 

{we were only dating at the time}

that he wanted to be a cop...

I was not thrilled at all. 

I never, ever in my wildest dreams thought I'd be married to a cop.

I didn't want to be married to a cop and be worried every day that my husband wouldn't come home.

But I loved him and I knew that that was what he wanted to do.

So I wanted him to be in a job that he loved so he would be happy. 

I chose to be married to him 

and I knew what I was getting into so don't judge me for saying any of this...

I chose to be in this situation.

But it doesn't mean that I can't worry that he won't come home 

or that he might get hurt.

But what I really want to say is I read a post today on The WiseGuy Diaries

called Next time you think, 'I don't like cops'

it hit so close to home when I read this and it left me crying. 

A friend of mine whose husband works with mine had posted it on her Facebook

and I knew I needed to share it. 

I also needed to share my feelings on how it feels to hear people say

"I hate cops" or "I don't like cops"

as a wife to one. 

I have heard it many times since I've been married to James 

and it never gets any easier. 

It hurts me to the core. 

It breaks my heart a little bit more every time for my husband.

Because I know people don't like cops 

but do you really have to vocalize it in public or post it on your Facebook?

I don't want to hear how much you hate them

and how awful they are...

because how do you know you're not talking about my husband directly?!

They are doing their jobs 

and all those people who say they hate cops all the time are the first to call them when they need help.

How would it feel for them to see you bashing them

and then something were to happen where you needed them

and they decided oh well they hate us so we're not going to help them!?

Well just so you know not one cop that I know would ever do that no matter how much you bashed them!

They are all completely amazing people 

and they would do anything for anyone to help them not matter what.

They run to the danger...

so please think twice the next time you want to post something 

or say something about hating cops.

I have heard many comments throughout the last 5 years

and some were from close friends of mine

and I will tell you it hurt every time.

I understand that they piss you off because I have gotten tickets 

and been pissed off at the cops but I would never say I hated them.

They are only human

and can only do so much.

They can only make so many people happy.

But I also want to ask you one thing...

Do you send your husband to work everyday wondering if he'll come home?

Do you worry everyday that your children won't get to grow up with a father?

Do you ever stop to think that maybe that lady you're standing next to in line might just have had her husband injured or even killed at work because he ran to the danger?

Yes there are some that aren't always the nicest but did you ever think that they might have just had to see something that no one ever wants to see?

They see horrific things all the time

and see things that shouldn't happen to anyone.

I understand that there are cops who do evil things but most of them are N O T like that at all!

And you need to know that.

I can't express to you how much it hurts me when I hear those things. 

I can't explain to you what it's like to sit at home at night and wonder if he won't come home.

I can't tell you what it's like to know that your children have the chance of not having a father their whole lives.

Yes anyone can die anywhere at anytime 

but 

my husband puts himself in danger everyday to protect you + your family.

He doesn't know you but he does it because he knows it's necessary

and he loves his job...

he truly loves his career. 

It might not be safe but he loves it

and I love him for that.

So I leave you with this...

would you run to the danger?

{I'm sorry if I was a little repetitive in this post but I was just trying to get my point across

and if I offended anyone I am sorry but you need understand that I get offended on a daily basis when people talk that way about cops.}