I have had an internal struggle going on the last few weeks.
I don't know what to do.
I can't decide whether I want to try breastfeeding again.
It was a huge disappointment when I couldn't breastfeed, Zane.
I tried so hard and yet he just didn't latch correctly and I just couldn't provide the amount he needed.
It really hurt.
I cried A LOT when I couldn't do it.
And got a little depressed.
I really don't know if I want to go through that again.
I don't want to try so hard & then have a huge let down with her.
I don't think I could handle it again.
I know that every.single.baby is different...
but who's to say she won't be the same way?
Who's to say that I won't produce enough milk again?
How do I know she just won't latch at all?
I don't & nobody else does either.
It's not something that you can predict.
Oh how I wish it was.
But I just can't.
And I really don't think I can handle the let down.
I would love to have that bond between my daughter & me.
But maybe I am just not cut out for it.
I have an amazing bond with Zane even though I didn't breastfeed him,
but sometimes when I look back I feel like I missed out on something.
Did I?
Or should I just be happy with what I have?
And I have decided all that I can do is be happy with what I have.
I am not one of those people who think one way is better than the other.
I wasn't breastfed {seeing as I am adopted},
James wasn't either.
We turned out just fine.
And Zane seems to be flourishing & just as smart as the kids who were breastfed.
So I am strongly considering just not even doing it at all.
I am not looking to be criticized here...
this is my decision.
I don't mind your comments but please do not judge me
& send me hate messages about how I feel.
I am going to do what I end up deciding what is best for me.
So please if you have something not so nice to say please keep your comments to yourself.
I don't want to have to turn the comments off.
