Some honesty

My weight is a huge issue in my eyes. 
I am completely uncomfortable in my own body. 
I can't look in the mirror without being completely disgusted with what I see.
I have been on Weight Watchers since January 
but I have not lost the weight I was hoping to lose in that time.
I love food and I don't want to give up what I love to eat.
But I need a change!
I NEED to be able to look at myself in the mirror
and love myself again.
I fell off of WW for a little bit I am getting myself back on it this week.
My husband loves me no matter what I look like
and he tells me that every day
but I don't love myself.
I want to be able to look in the mirror and at least feel good about what I look like.
I want to be able to play with my children without being out of breath.
I want to fit into the clothes I love and look good in them.
I want to be comfortable in my own skin.

I actually truly hate myself right now. 
There isn't one thing about myself that I can say I love or even like for that matter.
I think I am disgusting. 
But I need help...
I don't know how to do this myself.
I'm at a loss.
I have been praying for guidance and what to do.
I don't feel like I have gotten an answer.
But I am still waiting for it...
and I will continue to wait for it until it comes.
I know the Lord is busy and has lots of other requests from others.
I am just one tiny girl waiting for an answer.
He'll come when the time is right
and so I wait.

I will continue Weight Watchers
and I am hoping that I can try a Barre3 class soon.
I have done some research the past couple days on it
and it looks like fun + a great workout.
I just have to find the means to pay for it since our house is up for sale we don't have a ton of extra money for that kind of thing.
I am just doing workouts at home now for the time being.

So hopefully something will begin to happen.
Wish me luck 
and keep me in your prayers.


Amberly said...

Your whole first paragraph thing involved me nodding my head in agreement. Others may think we look great and they can tell us that forever, but until we feel comfortable with where we are and like we are back in good shape and like you said, can do things without being out of breath. Hooray for husbands who love us just the way we are though!! :)

mandy @a sorta fairytale said...

I feel the same way about my body right now. I've actually put on some weight recently and am not happy about it. I've made some minor changes in my diet and just recently got the Insanity DVD's. but honestly, I am afraid to even try them!! I even have a post similar to this sitting in my drafts but am kinda nervous to publish it. But just know, you're not alone!

Jamie said...

The answer is within You, my dear. You are beautiful. Somewhere inside there is a confident woman just waiting to come out! But until you find her, no one else's words will mean anything. I've struggled with my weight for 80% of my life and I know what it feels like to hate yourself, but trust me, IT'S NOT WORTH IT. You are not your weight any more than you are your bank account, the car you drive, or where you live. You've become the person you are by being a wife, mother, friend, etc. Try to focus on what matters. When your kids think back on what kind of mother you were, I bet that they won't talk about the size of your ass.

I'm working my way back to health now. I didn't come to this place (as I have in the past) via an anger and self hatred. That approach just changes the outside. There aren't any easy answers, but once you start to feel better about yourself, the journey to a better diet and more exercise don't feel like so much work.

Hang in there!

libbyuglesich said...

Thank you so much! I appreciate the support. I need all of it I can get!

libbyuglesich said...

So glad to find out that I am not alone :)

libbyuglesich said...

thanks I completely agree!

Nicole Webb said...

Thank you for having the courage to write this! I would seriously say the same things you did. I've always hated my body and well.. When I got pregnant that was the ONLY time in my life that I've felt beautiful. Now 9 months post baby.. I still look like I could be 3-4 months pregnant.
My family is very judgmental and they get on me every time I see them about my tummy or weight.
I've tried at home stuff too but couldn't stick with it, my husband is a picky eater so he doesn't help at all with food choices. It's hard cooking for 1. He loves me and reminds me, like your husband.
Moral:: I seriously feel ya 100%.


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